On a drive back home, I was telling Gerard about how I felt. He told me I should see a doctor, and that he had an appointment the next day that he didn't need anymore. So the next day I went to the doctor, mum had walked into the waiting room with Gerard, and she was surprised to see me there. Gerard said it was alright and that he didn't need to see the doctor, let Tim have the appointment.
I told the doctor everything I was feeling at the time, I told her that I woke up not being able to move, and that there was what I thought were aliens in the room, and I also told her about my drug use. She diagnosed me with severe depression, and paranoid schizophrenia. She prescribed me with some medication, and told me not to use drugs anymore.
I felt a certain kind of freedom knowing that something could be labeled to what was going on with me. I was crazy. Phew!!! After a few weeks, I kind of mellowed out. I didn't have to work because the medication I was on knocked me out for 16 hours a day. I thought I was finally on the road to being normal.
It didn't take very long for me to be able to work again, and I tried out a few trial periods in jobs, but found nothing I liked. Pretty soon I stared using drugs again, the medication kept me from going to crazy.
One afternoon I was filling up my car at home. When I pulled the pump out of my car, a bit of petrol leaked onto a weed on the ground. I thought, “I wonder if I make a trail of fuel from this rock to the plant, then light up the rock, will the plant catch on fire?” So I made a very little trail of fuel from the plant to the rock. I locked the pump back up and put the cap back on my car. Then I lit up the rock with my lighter… Yep, the fire went from the rock to the plant, and also up the side of my car as well where I had spilt some more petrol. So there was my car on fire, right next to a big petrol tank, that was next to a diesel tank, that was next to a big shed full of lots of machinery! I ran into the work shop and grabbed a fire extinguisher. Dad was in there working and wanted to know what I needed it for and I didn't stop to tell him. I ran back to the car, put the fire out on the ground, then got in my car, started it, drove it about 15m away from the tanks and then put the fire out on the side of my car.
What a stupid thing to do. My car could of blown up, as well as all the fuel tanks, that would of killed me, and anyone else nearby. Every time I fueled up I would always reset the speedo in my car because I knew I could get 450km out of one tank. I looked at the speedo and 444.4km had been clocked up. There was no mistake about it.
Then I started looking into numbers and what they meant. I knew 555 was the number of man. 666 was the number of the beast/satan. 777 was the number of perfection/God. What did 444 mean? All of a sudden I could see that 444 was my number.
It was the 5th of the 5th month that I had been diagnosed with those problems. So that was a human problem, 555 being the number for man. My mate that smoked weed liked at 55 frideswide st. That was the house were I tripped out all the time. And Gerard’s birthday was on the 4th of the 4th. He was the one who let me have his appointment at the doctor, which was on the 5th of the 5th.
I got a job at a pizza shop. To my dismay, my boss was a Christian. One of my workmates was a Jehovah’s Witness. Yay!!! About 2 nights of the week I was left alone with Nathan. He was a very Devout Jehovah’s, and that’s the only thing he talked about while we were alone. And Michael was a ‘born again Christian’, and there were a lot of nights when I would be stuck there alone with one or the other.
All they talked about was God, and you could easily pick the differences in their beliefs. To be a JW you had to do all this stuff, and to believe in only certain things. Every other Church was a Church of Satan; they wouldn’t even walk into another Church. Michael put more emphasis on Jesus. To become a Christian, you had to ask him into your life, or more like invite him. One time I was going to Brisbane for a day, and before I left, Michael said “see you when you get back”. I said “not if I die in a bus accident”. He replied, “Just as long as you know where you are going”! BAH!!! Stupid Christian!
One of Michael’s church friends wanted to come out shooting at my place one night, so I took him out, and I told him I didn’t want to be preached to, and he was ok with it. He asked me what I wanted to do with my life; I told him that I wanted to be a rock star. He asked me what my favorite band was and he liked Nirvana heaps as well. He asked if I thought that being a rock star would make me happy. I told him that it would make my life complete. He told me Kurt Cobain thought that would make him happy to. He had everything I wanted to have, but he blew his head off. He told me that I needed Jesus to feel complete. Yeah right!
Michael invited me along to church one Sunday because he was speaking, and I agreed to go. When I got there, I felt like something weird had been going on. The girl who got me the job at the pizza shop was at Church. Tim was at the same Church, as well as lots of other people that had become friendly with me thru the pizza shop. The message was ok, and it wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be. Every Sunday after that, Mike would say “I didn’t see you at Church this morning”.
At this time I met a girl called Kristy. She was considered weird and was also into witchcraft. She was my brothers’ age, and my brothers’ girlfriend at the time was best mates with her. So we got set up, and we went out. Finally my life was complete, I had a pretty cool girlfriend, and I’d always wanted to be close to someone like that. A few weeks later she dumped me, and I was very very devastated. The next Sunday I went to Church because I thought like I could use the company of the people there.
I was still using drugs, I still had my head in alien books and still getting visits. I thought my boss and wife were crazy because they were so committed to God. They’d both get one night a week off, and they’d go to a bible study on those nights. They would never have the same night off together. I thought there had to be more to life than God.
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