We move to Colorado and I continued to study with what had become my hobbies. After a year, football had been left behind and l joined the Civil Air Patrol (CAP). I attended special training schools became a NEAT (National Emergency Assistance Training) qualified Ranger graduating with art outstanding cadet merit. A few months later, I was the squadron cadet commander.
I continued to focus on Ninjutsu. I walked out of the movies one night disgusted after watching “Revenge of the Ninja”. All the acrobatics and costumes were foolishness. I began to ask myself “Do I really know what Ninjutsu is all about?” I began to study. I learned about the spiritual focusing of Zen meditation and began disciplining my mind even more. At night, I prepared to organize my CAP squadron, worked out punching out candle flames, and meditated. At a common trip to the library, I researched the origins and legends of dragons. The people I played D & D with were getting too cocky. Their characters needed to learn humility I had decided. So I planned to bring to life in the game a powerful dragon from mythology that could only be defeated with a riddle. Zen had taught me that battles were won in the mind first and didn’t always have to be fought physically. I wanted to teach that to those I played with.
The research on dragons led me to the Time/ Life series of books on the occult. I began reading about wizards and witches, and remen bering an episode when I was younger in which a baby-sitter had checked out some books on witchcraft and Satanism for me, I turned my study toward that. All day I looked through the library card catalog and shelves. I looked up demons, witches, Salem, witchcraft, evil, Satan, Satanism, voodoo, and whatever I could find.
There was something that mysteriously connected all this with my study of Ninjutsu, and I resolved myself to find it. There was power in the supernatural world, and I wanted to learn how to harness and use it. It was then when I became angry with God and began to hate Him. I had met a girl and fallen in love, regardless of everyone telling me I was too young to know what love is. During a phone call one night while my parents were gone for a few days, she told me to get out of her life and leave her alone. I had met the girl a year before in church. She was my first real kiss. And now I felt dead inside. I decided to kill myself. I went to my bedroom, got my shotgun, and placed it in the middle of the living room floor.
With my cleaning kit, I began to take it apart and oil it. As I did so, I began to think about how everyone would feel with my being gone. I began to miss me. And as I placed the number four shell into the newly oiled chamber and pulled the bolt back, placing the gun barrel to my chin, I said out loud, ”What, am I freaking crazy? What the hell am I doing?’ I put the gun down, called a friend, and asked him to come over. When he walked in, he saw the gun, and after hearing the story decided to stay the night. We got drunk. I had prayed to God that this girl would love me as loved her. God had failed me. He didn’t love me. I hated Him. I wanted nothing to do with God any more. It was my friends, not God, not my family, who were there when I needed them. I could depend on my friends, no one else...except myself. We moved again. Returning to Oklahoma, I was reunited with old friends, but l had changed.
I left a short-haired football player who wore Wranglers. I returned with long hair, wearing my NEAT Ranger beret, a Levi jacket and 501 ‘s, carrying a double-edged boot knife tucked in my pants at the small of my back, and NlKE high tops. When I left, I had been in a few fights and shown I could fight. Now, I carried an air of being downright dangerous. I was cool. Time heals wounds, and in time, I met a new girl. This one, knowing I was interested in witchcraft, introduced me to a witch. Her name was Glasheeon. Some of her first words to me were, “You can go white magic or black magic. White magic is sort of hypocritical. If you want real power, go black magic.” “Let’s go black magic,” I replied. She said the first step was praying to Satan and gave me a special incantation to call forth the powers of evil. Now I was mad at God, but it still took me a day to get tip the nerve to pray to the Devil. That night was a turning point.
By Gllasheeon’s instructions, I stripped naked and laid down. “Satan,! call you forth to serve you,” I prayed aloud and recited Glasheeon’s incantation. I felt the room grow cold and experienced the unmistakable presence of utter evil enter. My blood pressure went up. The veins on my arms were bulged. I got an erection and began to feel a lifting sensation.
Then something touched me. My eyes flew open but saw only spots, as they had been closed so tightly. Again I felt something touch me, and I shut my eyes terrified and thrilled, It felt like ice-cold claws began to rake my body caressingly, and I shook in an erotic pleasure as they explored every inch of my body. I heard an audible voice speak three words in a whisper, “I love you.” I continued to pray, telling Satan I accepted and would serve him.
One by one the invisible clawed hands touching me disappeared, and my blood pressure fell. I was alone. I sat up exhausted, hooked, unbelieving. I hadn’t been on drugs. I’d never smoked a joint. It had been incredible, and I knew it was real. I had found what l was looking for or so I thought. I had to know more. I questioned Glasheeon crazily, learning what was myth and what was real. I went to the school library and researched biographies of prominent witches and Satanists. I searched bookstores for occult related books, often stealing those I found. I studied, I learned. And then I got my friend involved.
The more l studied, the more l became aware of the common tie binding it all together. Satan was behind D& D and behind Ninjutsu. Satan was everywhere. Prominent men and women of society were tainted with hints of being involved in it. Hitler had made a pact with Satan. Marilyn Monroe had an affair with Anton LaVey—the author of the Satanic Bible. Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page had bought Aleister Crowley’s castle home and owned an occult bookstore. I decided that what LaVey wrote had to be true - that Satan was the force behind rebellion which led to freedom and was a way to success in a society where only the strong survive and only the ruthless attain the American dream.
I made a pact to Satan. In my own blood I wrote, I renounce God, I renounce Christ. I will serve only Satan. To my friends love, to my enemies death...hail Satan.” I placed my name at the bottom.
I combined all I had learned into a single group. The structure of D & D and CAP, the discipline and training of Zen and Ninjutsu, and the ideals. concepts, and ritualistic practices of Satanism all combined to become what we called the Elimination. I hated the hypocritical Christian community and was determined to eliminate them from society.
We began performing rituals, but something seemed to be wrong. There was a barrier put up between us and the power we needed to invoke. We brought forth demons, but we wanted more. It was time to prove our allegiance to Satan. We began breaking the Ten Commandments. Only one remained, “Thou shall not murder.”
We talked about things such as waiting at a stop sign in the middle of nowhere and blowing away the first person who was fool enough to obey the law. We talked about torture for a friend’s ex-girlfriend. We would tie her down, slice her breasts, cut her throat, but only after we would rape her for a few days. It was after a lust ritual with my second priest that Satan took over our actions.
In a game-like surreal euphoria, we drove to a convenience store where a man worked who had insulted my friend’s girlfriend and refused to sell him beer. In my hand I held a cold steel killing tool a .357 magnum loaded with hollow points. After much conversation with the man who thought we were friends, my friend distracted him and I raised the gun from beneath the counter, pointed it at his head, and squeezed the trigger. It missed. I fired again. My friend cut him off from getting away. The second shot had only injured him. I caught him. His terror-stricken eyes searched mine for mercy behind the smoking barrel. I squeezed the trigger and he collapsed, knocked back from the impact— dead. Blood covered The rear wall and ran onto the floor. And two teenagers walked out, taking no money, no merchandise. Only the life of an innocent man for Satan.
In the car, we laughed as the evil delight of our action gripped us. We were not human. We were completely possessed by our demonic servants. We were stripped of all love, mercy. and kindness, and were consumed with hate, anger, and eroticism. We were Satanists.
The rituals continued, and now the barrier was gone. I began doing solitary rituals, invoking demons and asking them to enter my body as a sanctuary. During a ritual, in sacrificing my own blood to Satan, I received my Satanic name: Ezurate. Scars began to appear on my body, on my arms and chest where l continually gave blood to my master. I had begun to drink blood. I had begun to drink blood. I took blood from, my friends and myself, storing it in vials I had taken from a clinic. To keep my parents from questioning the scars, I used needles most oft the time.
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Do What You Want (Exposing Satanism In Society Parts 1 - 3)