Clean Jokes Page 7
We had Cured Ham for our Sunday family dinner. We all wondered what illness it was cured of.
Why do people say they "worked like a dog"? Our dog just sat around all day.
How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend?
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Q: Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?A: At the bottom!
Q: Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?A: Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!
Q: What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?A: Floodlights!
Q: Why aren't you doing very well in history?A: Because the teacher keeps asking about things thathappened before I was born!
Q: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?A: The second one!
Q: Why does history keep repeating itself?A: Because we weren't listening the first time!
Q: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?A: Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!
English is very strange
- Did you know that 'verb' is a noun?
- How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?
- If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
- If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?
- If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
- If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this alsomean that you would have to 'member' somebody in order toremember them?
- Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can bespelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
- Is there another word for a synonym?
- Shouldn't there be a shorter word for 'monosyllabic'?
- Why can't you make another word using all the letters in'anagram'?
- Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
- Why do some people type 'cool' as 'kewl?'
- Why does 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?
- Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
- Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug?
- Why is 'crazy man' an insult, while to insert a comma andsay 'Crazy, man!' is a compliment?
- Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
- Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
- Why isn't 'palindrome' spelled the same way backwards?
- Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Pete and John lived next door to each other. Pete owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg on John's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw John pick up the egg. Pete ran up to John and told him that the egg belonged to him because heowned the hen. John disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally Pete said, 'In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: Ipunch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker winsthe egg.'
John agreed to this and so Pete held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward John and punched him as hard as he could in the nose. Johnfell to the ground and was howling in agony and holding his nose for thirty minutes.
Eventually John stood up and said, 'Now it's my turn to punch you.'
Pete said, 'Keep the lousy egg.'
Clean Jokes Page 6
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