More Clean Jokes



A Visit To Doctor Clueless...

"Well, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Let me schedule you for some lab tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little." Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...

"Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

Little Johnny went to the store with his Grandma. On the way back home, he was looking in the bag at the things she had purchased.

He reached in the bag and pulled out a package and began to sound out the words, "Panty Hose - Queen Size."

He looked at his Grandma with excitement and said, "Hey, Grandma! You wear the same size as Mommy and Daddy's bed!"


De-FUN-Itions

Baloney: Where some hemlines fall

Burglarize: What a thief sees you with.

Left Bank: What the robber did after his bag was full of cash.

Primate: What you have to do to get your husband away from TV.

Misty: What Tiger Woods never does.

Subdued: Like a guy who works on one of those submarines, man.

Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.

Eye Dropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.

Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.And that, my friends, is how company policy begins.

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