Hope you enjoy these clean jokes.
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell.
So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."
When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage.
As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"
The rest of the clean jokes lineup:
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead.
She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence. "I think I'd throw up."
A preacher's little boy inquired, "Daddy, I notice every Sunday morning when you first come out to preach, you sit up on the platform and bow your head. What are you doing?"
The father explained, "I'm asking the Lord to give me a good sermon."
The little boy said, "Why doesn't he?"
DeptQ.com Platinum Quotations from DeptQ
While hiking deep in the woods, a man suddenly notices that he is being followed by a large grizzly bear. He starts to run away but the bear begins to chase him. Realizing the bear is quickly closing in, the man offers up an emergency prayer: "Oh God, I know you have influenced animals in the Bible like Balaam's donkey, if there is any way that this bear can become more like a Christian, I would really appreciate it."
As the final "amen" is said, the bear pounces on the man and pins him to the ground. But suddenly, the expression on the bear's face changes from that of anger to contentment, and the bear looks heavenward and places his paws reverently together, and starts to speak audibly just like Balaam's donkey, saying, "For this food we are about to receive, we give thanks."
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted.St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if thefellow's name is written in it. After several minutes, St.Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'msorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies,"why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborntype. It was not until my death was imminent that I criedout to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copyyet."
"I'm glad to hear that," St. Peter says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a big gang harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of thegang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-6, 280 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, they formed acircle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next."
"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocentgirl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"
"About three minutes ago."
Clean Jokes II
Good Medicine Cartoons to make you laugh.
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The Jesus Joke Page
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