More Bible HumorTeach The Bible To Change Lives Demon Dicitonary - Learn The Names OF Satan's Angels The young priest nodded and the old one continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony." "Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased you are open to the new ideas of youth." "Well", said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional." "But Father," protested the young priest. "My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that! I know, my son," replied the old man. "But that flashing neon sign, "Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell", can't stay on the church roof!
A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do you all say your prayers at night?" A little boy answered: "My MUMMY says my prayers." "I see," said the teacher, "and what does your Mummy SAY?" Replied the little boy: "THANK GOD HE'S IN BED!"
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she responded back to the minister, "Mommy can't talk on the phone right now; she's hitting the bottle."
--"CHURCH FOOTBALL" - THE OTHER SUNDAY SPORT: --QUARTERBACK SNEAK: Church members quietly leaving during the invitation. --DRAW PLAY: What many children do with the bulletin during worship. --HALFTIME: The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave. --BENCHWARMER: Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit. --BACKFIELD IN MOTION: Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service. --STAYING IN THE POCKET: What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work. --TWO MINUTE WARNING: The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings. --INSTANT REPLAY: The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations. --SUDDEN DEATH: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime". --TRAP: You're called on to pray and are asleep. --END RUN: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member. --FLEX DEFENSE: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life. --HALFBACK OPTION: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service. --BLITZ: The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "How many of you would like to go to heaven?" Everyone raised their hands except little Johnny. The teacher asked him, "Why don't you want to go to heaven?" He replied, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but my Mommy told me to come home right after church." The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the darned wall."
A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an offering for the visiting minister. Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty. Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. Then raising his eyes heavenward, he exclaimed, "I thank you, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation."
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